


untitled

by sseundalkhom



Series: The Garland [20]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, but finally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:44:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: he wanted him to stay...





	untitled

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea to give a title so it's untitled. but the song I played during the process of writing was [timeless by zhang li yin and xiah junsu](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhnRyoFMhDA)

Waking up to the unfamiliar surrounding, he looked around and noticed everything. The IV was attached to his skin and he could not find a reason to put it off when he felt so weak and his whole body went limp. He stayed there, just breathing and not thinking about anything else. Until the doctor came and greeted him with a huge smile, along with the nurses tailing behind him.  
  
“Morning. It’s a nice to see you awake without any warning and you are left alone,” the doctor gave a preamble before he checked everything he needed about Soonyoung’s condition. Then the doctor and nurses left without saying any words. He did not mind to be left like that, having no clue about what was happening to him. He just let it unspoken.   
  
The second time door swung opened, it was a person he did not wish to meet in this kind of place. The person who was in the last place in his list to meet after what had happened to them. A man with the big grin and crescent-moon like eyes whenever he smiled, a man who caught his heart but Soonyoung would never get a chance to have his heart back; a man became his husband. That latter tugged a chair and sat beside the bed, pulling the older’s hand gently and intertwined their finger, he looked up to see Soonyoung’s eyes.   
  
He said nothing but his eyes said otherwise. There was so much unspoken feeling Soonyoung wanted to know if it wasn’t his hallucination. It was crystal clear for him to realise a big mess inside his husband’s eyes. The anger, the longing, the repentance, the gentleness, and _love_. Something he bet he had never seen it somewhere, somewhen, during his lifetime; during the time he shared the world with him. It was new but messy, hard to tell which part was bigger than the other else, hard to put one by one in words, and hard for him to understand.   
  
A moment when he about spoke up, the latter turned into hanging his head low and kissing his knuckle. “I’m sorry,” he said.   
  
Soonyoung titled his head. “For?”   
  
“Everything. All my deeds. All those times I brought us to nowhere and fighting for no reason because of my arrogance. I’m sorry and I’m begging you to not leave me here.” A tear fell down on the back of his head and Soonyoung knew it was sweat because it was not warm; neither it was summer. It was the fall nearing the winter.   
  
“Is it?”   
  
The man nodded, holding back his tears as much he could but it stopped working because he was sobbing right now. The tough and arrogant man he made in front of him, it broke down in a single instant.   
  
“Why?”  
  
“I don’t know. I just don’t wanna lose you. I just don’t want to replace you with someone else.”   
  
“But you’ve already done it.” Soonyoung tried to pull his hand off his grip, “I shared you with someone else.”   
  
At this point, he was stunned by his own words. During his sleep, he wandered from one dream to another. It was all about him and his husband. They were so adorable. Like a continuous movie, it played non-stop and he cringed whenever they were so bubbly and having those loving eyes at each other. But it turned up sad and angsty. They never ended up well, either cheating and being separated with death. As if each other was not meant to be together and had to live apart on their own path and sought the happiness without each other, but it was unfair for them. For Soonyoung to watch all dreams like that, it pained his heart and would cry out his heart, yet no tears came out from his eyes. Especially the part when the person in his dream knew, all these times he had shared his husband with someone else and had nothing to do. Just like he did in real life.   
  
He had nothing to do. Even it was his right to tell him, that person was his husband and ought to love him alone, his tongue seemed stuck and words ended in the tip of his tongue.   
  
“Seokmin,” he called his husband.   
  
The man lifted up his head, showing his swollen eyes and red nose. “Why?” Soonyoung asked.   
  
“I don’t you with that baby leaving me here, in misery,” he answered.   
  
He lost for words, hearing the non-sense and expected for something pretty which turned up it was a way to break him down. A baby. His only baby was the reason he begged for forgiveness and stay. For the contrary, he opposed the idea of begetting an heir from his marriage with Soonyoung, just because he didn’t want to stay with him in the first place. And Soonyoung knew it.   
  
Although everyone had said a babe was the main reason for the couple to stay and continue the marriage, howbeit for Soonyoung, it was ridiculous for his life and his baby. He only wanted to be loved by Seokmin in the first if he could be selfish, then having a child with Seokmin was another happiness to be loved more because their baby was their happiness but no—a baby was a reason to Seokmin beg a forgiveness and stay by his side evermore. He could not imagine his only baby’s life after knowing the dark motive behind their marriage. He should not live in a fake marriage where his parents did not love each other and remained to stay by his side just because of it. He should grow up in a healthy family when there was always time to shower each other love unconditionally; that’s what Soonyoung wanted the best for his only baby.   
  
He caressed gently his belly.   
  
“What shall I do, angel? The man is asking me to stay just because of you,” he monologued, “not because he loves us in the first place.”   
  
“Soonyoung!”   
  
The older male did not flinch at his rage, slowly he took a composure and caressed his belly as if he wanted to calm the baby. He knew the baby unwell for hearing the first shout Seokmin did and it saddened him. None was permitted to make his only baby sad, ill and afraid in his womb.   
  
“I love you,” he sobbed.   
  
“No, you don’t.”   
  
“I will love you forever.”   
  
“No, you will not.”   
  
“But I promise.”   
  
“….and you will break that promise in the end.”   
  
“A man never breaks his words.”   
  
“….also never hurt anyone, I suppose.”   
  
Seokmin sighed. “Lee Soonyoung.”   
  
“Get out of this room, I don’t want to see your face and deal with your bullshit.” Without delay, he left and shut the door close. He knew it had not been ever easy to gain a mercy after all he had been doing in his lifetime. He left for giving a space for Soonyoung, not wanting to argue anymore especially when he was awake from his 3-days unconsciousness. He left for Soonyoung’s sake and the baby.   
  
_Perhaps another time._  

* * *

Even after he was discharged from the hospital, Seokmin had no chance and got a scolding from the older. He did not know what to do, only backing away and remained still in his room soon later they arrived home. They were staying in the different room and Seokmin was out of the idea where and how to start the dialogue again. He hoped for not being dismissed out of _his person_ ’s sight, never. It made him powerless and Soonyoung enkindled the sadness within him; the man should be proud because he was the only one who made him like this.   
  
He stared into the ceiling. It felt so unfamiliar for the first time because it was so cold without Soonyoung under the same ceiling with him. Unable to stand thick coldness, he got out from his room, which surprised by the sudden appearance of Soonyoung in front of his door.   
  
“I need my pillow. I bought it with my own money,” he said with a snap.   
  
Seokmin made a way and they did not exchange a single word until the younger grabbed and confronted him.   
  
“Do we have to like this?”   
  
Soonyoung smiled. “It’s been months we live as ourselves. We pretend each other existing in this house, which it is you who do the most. Why it becomes a problem now?”   
  
“I need you…” his voice wavered, “the room is so cold.”   
  
He chuckled. “Go turn on the heater. I’m off.”   
  
“Let me sleep with you…I’m afraid…” he begged, head hung low and his grip tightened.   
  
Soonyoung let out a resigned sigh. “I can’t,” he lied. Of course, he wanted to sleep with his own husband, despite everything he had done, he j _ust_ did not want to dream any plot about them. He wanted to sleep peacefully, without any dream which keeping his hope high or rushing his adrenaline because of the madness. But his pride swayed him to stick on his principle, not getting fooled with Seokmin’s word and his dream.   
  
“I’m afraid if you leave me when I am sleeping,” he confessed. Seokmin had a point; it made sense. It would be terrified for him, having no hold over his own spouse and feared the night when he no longer saw his spouse just because of his deeds. Soonyoung understood that feeling.   
  
“I won’t.”   
  
He choked a tear. “Just tonight…please,” he pleaded. Once more, Soonyoung had no reason to turn down the pleading when he saw a glint fear through his husband’s eyes. He gave a chance for tonight.

* * *

The moment he came into Seokmin’s room, he did not mean sleeping together including the cuddling and stuff. For a second the younger hugged and leaned his ear to Soonyoung’s stomach, demanding a touch with their 5-weeks baby but a second later he would bawl over sensitive things, imagined himself having no contact with their soon-grown-up baby and Soonyoung would separate him from their baby. The next minute he found himself being spooned and heard the sound of sleeping Seokmin who caged him in his embrace, he never understood about tonight. Whether it was normal because of his repentance, or it was a phase they would become emotionally grown-up adult in the household; Soonyoung shrugged the thought away. He needed to maintain himself at peace and went sleep even though it was hard because his mind was roaming tonight and he did not know what to do unless staring at the dim glow of moonlight mirrored into their room.   
  
It was quiet. Only breathing and beating heart filled in the room, Soonyoung kept staring at the moonlight.   
  
“I love you” was the only three words he heard from Seokmin’s muttered under his steady breath, seemed like an example of sleep talking but it sounded so real, awake and sober. He did not respond because his brain stopped working at that time, besides the uncertainty reason of his statement, Soonyoung tended to not believe those three words.   
  
“I really do,” he added. Soonyoung furrowed his brow. He was sure of hearing the sleeping sound from him, for a while he felt being fooled for tonight. Being cuddled and hearing his sleeping sound, he should have known Seokmin had a motive. But somehow he did not kick him away, pulled himself away from him, for a reason that Soonyoung could not fathom, he remained in his position.   
  
“I just want you to listen to my heart right now, I feel safe around you—I’m home. I might regret it for the rest of my life if I lose you; if I let you go; if I don’t have a chance to make you stay here, if I am no longer safe without you, if I have to live alone. I need you, the baby needs us. Just stay…”   
  
“Without love?”   
  
“With love. I know you have a thousand reason to leave me here, raise our baby somewhere without my intervention, but please…we can restart everything, with love, I will shower you both with my love, just forgive me and stay.”   
  
Slowly he could sense his pyjama damped with Seokmin’s silent tears. He knew the latter getting more sensitive than him these days after he got hospitalised. And it wounded his heart because he never saw it coming before, he never saw Seokmin would shedding his tears because of him. Also, it was a constant. At the hospital, he clearly saw Seokmin would end up crying somewhere after seeing Soonyoung ignored his existence; as if he abhorred his own husband.   
  
“Soonyoung…” He called, _weakly_ and almost sounded trembling.   
  
“I will stay,” he told, “but for my baby, _as you wished_.”  
  
He released Soonyoung from his arm, rolling him over so the older male could face his spouse. He stared into the elder’s eyes, catching his silhouette in his pupil, later he smiled. “That’s not I wish for,” he replied.   
  
Soonyoung wanted to back away but the latter held him. “But…”   
  
“I’m really sorry for everything I have said, I really mean it. But that’s not I wish for,” he stated, hand moving to touch Soonyoung’s cheek and caressed it gently, “I want us to stay for the baby’s happiness, for us. I can’t let us suffering here and there, because of our reckless action. I will love you, _both_. We, no—I will prove myself, I will prove my promise to you. And we’ll stop hurting ourselves.”   
  
He paused. Soonyoung found a sincerity in his eyes. Seokmin did not tell a lie.   
  
“As I want you to stay, not for our baby, but for three of us. Our happiness,” he ended his words. A tear rolled down his cheek again and the older male quickly made a move to weep his sadness as he saw a sincerity in his words. He said nothing in reply but kept on staring into Seokmin’s eyes when the younger male leaned closer to him. He caught his lips landing against Soonyoung’s plump lips. It was a tender kiss mixed with his bitter longing and apology.   
  
Soonyoung broke the kiss for a second later, pulling away himself. “It’s not easy.”   
  
The latter nodded. He understood the condition the man offered. It would never be easy gaining his trust back but he saw a glimpse of chance Soonyoung hid in his tone. He was glad.   
“It’s okay,” he reassured, “I can do step-by-step, even it takes a long time.”  
  
It would be taking so much time yet two of them did not mind at all, they just did not want to waste a chance that given to them. Even in the end, it was going nowhere, at least they had given it a try. Perhaps it would change their life, the most important part, they would not hurt each other for now, only remaining by each other’s side and learning from the past mistake for the future’s action. For their future.   
  
The next second, they were sleeping peacefully, not worrying about what would happen to three of them. Because they only knew, they had wronged and wanted to fix everything from start, for the sake of their happiness. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading and please drop your comment below


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